; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
