mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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