so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
