I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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