No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
