Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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