i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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