just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my shit smells like andre
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
