you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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