Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
