Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
the raccoons are back...
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