o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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