it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
