he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
