he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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