Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
