I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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