Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
