And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
