FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you never un-have a 4some
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
