This house was built for laser tag.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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