I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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