omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
