I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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