I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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