i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
