How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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