No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
