Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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