if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
