Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
