I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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