that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
