My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
