Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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