is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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