I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
