So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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