How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
