i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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