My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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