stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
