So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
