How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
