I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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