Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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