Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
