You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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