I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
