I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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