sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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