just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
